Reindeer Lineup

This is one of the first pictures I took of Port Heiden’s reindeer* (an “oldie but a goodie” as the hipster whippersnappers are fond of saying). At the time this was taken, I was impressed by such tightly-formed rank-and-file.

But it was all a lie.

I learned something recently while trying to herd these chaos-beasts: they only cooperate and line up neat and orderly when they want to get OUT of the pen. When you try to get them back IN, all hell can break lose. Honestly, they’re the worst. Once the day’s grazing ends, antlered mischief begins.

But don’t just take it from me.

Remember Randy? Port Heiden’s benevolent reindeer champion? His impish flock led him on a merry chase through bog and brush recently. While trying to navigate his misbegotten charges through the swamp south of town, the poor fellow busted his ankle. I heard the herd laughed. Such cruelty. Inhuman, you might say.

It is clear, reindeer and their games are spiteful and not to be trusted.

So, dear reader, beware of any reindeer asking to be let free. They’re tricksy, traitorous hellions and will delight in your misfortune.

* No reindeer were harmed in the publication of this post.