So, you want bacon and happen to possess a recently deceased pig. Nice! But while the prospect of bacon can be exciting, you’ve gotta keep your cool. For there are many steps still before succulent pigflesh can be enjoyed.
Here’s what you’re gonna wanna do.
First, the few minutes right after dispatch are clutch cargo moments, cause it’s mission critical that you flip that pig to bleed it out lickity-split. Once inverted, with the head below the heart, cut a major artery – the carotid seems to work best – and let that blood run. (If this is happening inside, you may want to re-think your strategy, or at least throw down some plastic sheeting).
Next, make an incision from the sternum down to your pig’s groin. If you have a scalpel, throw it away (in an appropriate container) and grab a sharp machete instead. Using the machete, go inside the chest and abdominal cavities to slash and grab all those delicious organs.
Heart, liver, lungs, kidneys, intestines, you gotta catch ’em all!
Sever and yank, sever and yank, sever and yank, rinse and repeat.
You’ll know your task is through when the chest cavity looks as hollow as a materialist’s soul…and with those organs gone, congratulations! You’ve just gutted a hog and are one step closer to bacon.
***please note: if you’re actually butchering a pig, it’s a pretty complex deal***
Follow the resources below to make sure your process is as sanitary and clean as possible, thus resulting in the tastiest bacon ever!
Here’s a nifty online guide that details the process.
And this is a great video on how to butcher your hog: